You know that old expression, you can’t teach a old dog new tricks? It’s absolute bollocks, I’ve learned a few new things in the past couple of months, including that warming your coat before you put it on is the very definition of bliss. No, you’re getting old.
You can scare any man with 3 words.
And no, they aren’t ‘I love you’. The look of sheer fear on a man’s face when he hears the words ‘girl’s group chat’ is one of my favourite things. I’m not quite sure what they are imagining, but trust me lads, we’re mostly sending each other cat videos and discussing food. We aren’t judging your bedroom performance out of ten like an episode of Strictly gone terribly wrong.
That being said, ever pissed your girl off and waited about 20 minutes for a text back? That eloquent text that tells you in detail, exactly what a knobhead you are? That was crafted by committee pal. Don’t do anything that you don’t want her friends to know.
You can learn how to walk in heels
Bit of an obvious one to be fair. I used to be the girl who danced all night without ever taking my heels off, but then I spent 3 years flitting round Paris in flip flops and trainers, so I lost the knack somewhat. I became Queen of flats, I even wore them walking down the aisle as a bridesmaid a few months ago.
Then, I bought boots and only realised when I got home that they had a pretty substantial heel. I am not one for returning stuff so on my feet they went. The first couple of days were hell on earth to be fair, especially when I made the very stupid mistake of climbing into my friend’s loft, only to realise that descending a ladder in heels should be classified as an extreme sport. Fast forward to today when I can run in heels, (I mean for a train. If anyone can actually run a 5k in heels, hit me up. That shit needs recommending to the palace, it’s got to be an OBE at the very least.) I feel extremely short on the days I wear flats, and I’m back to wearing heels for hours on end. Learning new skills at 27, I’m impressed with myself.
Customise your McDonalds
Some of you may be way ahead of me here, but I was recently inspired by a double McChicken Sandwich (sadly only available in Australia) and whacked cheese on my order. I kid you not, it is a bloody GAME CHANGER. Plus, because it’s custom, it’s made fresh. Just don’t try it at 2am, I can imagine the staff giving you evils, because who’s got time to be messing round for a drunk tool at that hour?
Jess Tyrer 